


Things I'll Never Say

by Asteria (Galaxy451)



Category: Moonlight (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 05:50:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11178381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galaxy451/pseuds/Asteria
Summary: Mick has heard a snippet of information that's thrown him into turmoil. The question is, what, if anything, will he do about it?





	Things I'll Never Say

**Author's Note:**

> My first Josef/Mick pairing. I only hope I can do this justice! This will be two or three chapters.

*Mick*

I can't believe how nervous I'm feeling. We're only going out for a night on the town... something we've done countless times before. This is just another normal evening, like all the others. So why am I standing here in front of the mirror fiddling with my shirt buttons and worrying how I look? I comb my hair for the hundredth time, wondering if I've used too much product. Does it look like I've tried too hard? I abandon the comb and run my fingers through it to muss it up a bit. Now it looks too messy. With a sigh I smooth it back again. Standing back I scrutinise the outfit I've chosen for tonight. Tight blue jeans that cling to my thighs like a second skin, dark pinstripe shirt open at the collar, and a navy blazer that I bought only yesterday in the hope that it would add a touch of sophistication to my more usual 'just threw it on' look.

The shirt looks a little too open so I button it up a bit higher. No, that's not right. Now I look too stuffy. I unbutton it again, shaking my head at myself in the mirror. This is ridiculous, I'm like a gauche teenager getting ready for his first date. That thought brings me up short. I'm not going on a date for Christ's sake, this is just an ordinary night out with an old friend. What was I even thinking? What was I doing listening to that idiot Marcus? He probably just said it as a joke to see what my reaction would be. How could he possibly know that Josef was interested in me that way when I'd been best friends with the man for over seventy years and never even had an inkling. I was just going to make a complete fool out of myself.

Glaring at myself for being such an idiot I shrug off the blazer, and toss it angrily to the floor, stalking out of the bathroom in the direction of the stairs. Cursing myself, I yank my shirt buttons apart, not caring that it was probably the most expensive shirt I'd ever owned, and rip it unceremoniously off my arms, hearing the satisfying sound of buttons bouncing down the stairs to the wooden floor below.

As I round the corner, flinging the remnants of my shirt against the wall, the sight of Josef lounging nonchalantly in an armchair, feet up on my table, a glass of my best Scotch resting on the arm of his chair, stops me in my tracks.

Fuck! He's here.

For a moment we just stare at each other. He looks startled, not his usual laid back, self-assured self. All I can think of are the words that Marcus confided to me last week on a drunken night out. 

"Josef loves you Mick, and I don't mean just as a friend, he's 'in love' with you. Has been for a very long time. He'll never tell you himself, but I know it. Hell..we all know it. Seems you're the only one who doesn't. If there's any chance you feel the same way buddy, please put him out of his misery, for all our sakes.."

Blinking, I try to put the words out of my mind. Why on earth would Josef be in love with me anyway. It's absurd. Isn't it? We're friends. That all.

The next words out of his mouth convince me that I'm truly a sap for even entertaining the idea. 

"Did your mother never show you how buttons work Mick? Or maybe someone's having a little tantrum?"

 

*Josef*

Not many things surprise me these days. I've lived so long that sometimes it seems like there's nothing left in the world that I've not seen or done before. But I have to admit that the sight of Mick St. John flying down the stairs in a state of fury, ripping off his shirt, muscles rippling as he throws it furiously at the wall, is enough to startle me into a state of temporary confusion. If that weren't strange enough, the look he gives me as he skids to a surprised halt in the middle of the floor is enough to make my breath hitch in my throat. He's looking at me like it's the first time he's ever really seen me. Like he knows something he never knew before. It's unsettling, and to cover my discomfiture I immediately come out with a sarcastic comment to break the moment.

Mick's expression in response to my snarky quip is a weird mixture of relief and disappointment, and I gaze at him curiously, wondering what in heaven's name has gotten into him.

"I know how buttons work Josef." He practically snarls at me. "Perhaps you should button that smart mouth of yours?"

I sit up straight at his comeback. Now this is odd. Looking at him questioningly I make a 'zipped' gesture across my lips and down the contents of my glass as Mick snatches up a t-shirt from the back of the couch and yanks it over his head. I can't help but sneak a sly peek at his impressive abs as he shrugs into the shirt. The man really has no idea how attractive he is. To him, working out is simply a means to an end. He needs to stay on top of the game in his line of work. He's the fighter and I'm the charmer. My idea of working out is a long luxurious massage from a nubile young female, then, if I'm lucky, which I usually am, a bit of a work out session in the bedroom afterwards.

He's looking at me with furrowed brows and I realise he's caught me staring. My eyes slide away and I'm glad I can't blush as my face would be the colour of beetroot right now. He just shakes his head and stalks over to the coat rack to grab his black leather jacket. As he walks away from me I surreptitiously admire the way his butt looks in those skin tight jeans. Not his normal, slightly baggy cowboy style, and again I have to wonder what the hell is going on with him this evening.

"Spill the beans Mick. What's eating you tonight?" If only it were me I added in my head, immediately smacking myself down for even going there.

He looks slightly less angry as he turns back to me, but I can see something's bothering him by the way he's shuffling nervously from one foot to the other. 

"Sorry Josef..." He apologises. "Bad day."

He doesn't elaborate and I know Mick well enough to know that badgering him isn't going to work. His hand is on the door handle, he's obviously keen to leave, so I place my glass on the table and get to my feet, walking over to join him.

"I guess we're going out then?" I make it half a statement, half a question.

The look he gives me is baffling and I wonder again what the hell could be bothering him. This isn't like him. We've always been able to talk about everything and anything. Maybe once he's loosened up a bit he'll tell me. I'm going to insist we go to my club first. An alcohol laced freshie should be just the medicine he needs. He'll probably balk at the idea. Even more than five years after Beth's death he's still stubbornly refusing to feed fresh. Except for two occasions when I managed to persuade him to partake of a little on tap refreshment, he's stuck to the bagged blood which, in his mind, keeps him from being a monster.

For the second time this evening he surprises me.

"Okay if we go to your club tonight Josef? I need a drink."

 

*Mick*  


We're sitting in silence in the back of Josef's silver Mercedes. His chauffeur, Simon, is driving us through the brightly lit streets in the direction of Josef's club. If he's noticed the strange lack of communication between Josef and I, he's doing a sterling job of ignoring it. Normally we'd be chatting amicably. Josef would be telling me all about the goings on in his high flying world of hedge fund trading, and I'd be nodding and commenting like I had the first clue what the fuck he was talking about. I'd be telling him about whatever case I happened to be working on at the time, and he would pretend to be interested. Sometimes he did it so well I actually believed that he was. But tonight there's a strange atmosphere. I know it's me that's created it, and Josef's obviously worried. It's very unlike him to be quiet, and I feel bad for being the cause of it.

I turn to look at him, determined to lighten the mood.

"So... what actually is hedge fund trading Josef?" I make a comical face as I ask.

He smiles, then breaks into a full fledged laugh. It's so good to see him happy, and I automatically grin back in response.

"You are kidding me?" He asks, looking suitably horrified.

"Afraid not...." I grin broadly, watching his face as he realises I'm not joking.

He looks incredulous. "All those times we've discussed global macro investing strategies, relative values, upswings and downswings, and so on and so forth, you had absolutely no idea what I was talking about?"

"Not a clue..." 

He shakes his head, laughing. "I don't know if I should be more surprised that you had me completely taken in, or that I actually thought you would know about those things."

"So I'm a good actor?" I raise my brows at him.

His expression sobers, his eyes travelling over my face thoughtfully, and I have to fight the urge to allow my thoughts stray to other things. I don't want this getting weird again. But the way he's looking at me...it's making me think..

Luckily I'm saved from any more thinking as Simon pulls the Mercedes smoothly to the curb in front of the impressive building that houses Josef's exclusive club. 

"We're here." I say, rather unnecessarily.

Josef smiles his trademark closed lipped smile and raises his eyebrows in amusement. "A good actor and an excellent orienteer to boot. What a talented friend you are indeed."

"Fuck off Josef." I throw at him good naturedly, opening the door and climbing out.

He just laughs and instructs Simon to wait, before following me out.

 

*Josef*

The atmosphere has lightened considerably in the last few minutes. I was getting really worried about Mick for a while back there. Strange as it seems 'fuck off' was the best thing I could have hoped to hear. It means we're okay. It means we're still friends. I've been starting to get the feeling that perhaps Mick has guessed how I feel about him. The way he looks at me is different. Knowing. Questioning. No.... I shake off the idea. It can't be that. I know Mick, and I'm pretty damn sure that I know exactly what his reaction would be if he ever thought that I harboured any kind of feelings toward him other than the strictly platonic type. I've always been careful never to reveal my true intentions, even on those occasions when we've been well and truly sailing three sheets to the wind. It's so ingrained into me now that it just comes naturally. I value Mick far too highly as a friend to risk losing him over some stupid infatuation.

The chief host interrupts my thoughts as he enquires about our needs for the evening and leads us over to my usual table in a secluded alcove. 

Mick looks out of his depth. It's a long time since we've been together in this kind of establishment and he's starting to look like he might bolt at any moment. I decide to take the lead and order for the both of us.

"Two bottles of the House Special Reserve." I pause, glancing at Mick thoughtfully, before adding, in response to the host's subtle enquiring look, "Pre-mixed, female. One blonde, one red."

"Certainly Sir, your room will be ready in approximately fifteen minutes. Can I get you anything while you wait?"

"Two Bloody Marys." I reply. "No tomato juice."

"Very good Sir." 

As the host leaves to fetch our drinks Mick turns concerned eyes to me. "You ordered me a blonde?"

"The blonde's for me. You've got the red."

Mick heaves a visible sigh of relief. I know without asking that a blonde will remind him of Beth. I also know that the memory of her is still too painful for him to bear. The blonde will remind me of Beth too, although for me it's a fond memory rather than a painful one. I'd loved her dearly too, although not that Mick had ever realised. Another secret I'd kept from him all these years. She was a most extraordinary woman and had been taken from this world far too early. When she'd been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour at the tender age of thirty two, I'd offered to turn her myself. She'd confessed that Mick had already offered, and explained the reasons why she'd turned him down. She knew he'd only made the gesture because she was sick, and couldn't stand to think that Mick would look at her in the same way he that he viewed himself. As a monster. I could have wrung his stupid, self-loathing, little neck for being such an idiot and not turning her while he had the chance.

It's all water under the bridge now, but at times I can't help wondering how it would have turned out if Beth had accepted my offer.

My reverie is interrupted by the arrival of our drinks. "To all those we've loved and lost" I toast Mick, holding my glass out towards him. "To them all" He replies, clinking his glass against mine and downing it's contents in one, his eyes silvering briefly before returning to their normal hazel blue. That's one of the many things I love about Mick. His beautiful, expressive eyes.

He turns those stunning eyes on me now, and I'm happy to finally see a twinkle in them as he relaxes back in his chair, his cheeky grin emerging for the first time this evening.

"So....are you going to tell me what's bugging you?" I ask, immediately regretting it as I watch his face close down, a wary look replacing the happy grin he'd worn only moments before.

"Maybe later.." He mumbles, sliding a thumb nervously back and forth against his lips.

Mick's eyes are lowered, his gaze fixed on the floor, and I find myself staring at his mouth, mesmerised as he drags his nail back and forth across his lips. I wonder how it would feel to have them pressed against my own. Almost instantaneously my balls tighten and I feel a tingling, rushing sensation in my pelvic area. Before I can look away, Mick suddenly raises his eyes to mine, his gaze boring into me almost as if he knows exactly what I'm thinking. I give him a brief grin to cover my embarrassment, and immediately raise my arm to call for another drink, glad that the table between us is hiding the growing bulge in my suit pants.

"Two more Bloody Marys. Hold the tomato juice." The waiter nods and moves off to fetch our drinks. I make a play of searching for my cell phone, muttering something about an e-mail I'm waiting for, and pretend to be engrossed in checking my in box.

Christ almighty Kostan, I scold myself. Get a grip! Do you want him to notice how much he affects you? I force myself to look up again, a benign smile plastered on my face as I meet Mick's eyes.

"Did you get one?" He asks, and for a moment I'm confused, my wrinkled brow and blank stare betraying the fact.

"One what?" I ask stupidly.

"E-mail." He's looking at me like I'm a half wit.

"Oh...um...no.." I falter, luckily saved once again by the host returning to let us know our drinks are ready.

"If you'll follow me Sir..." 

Mick stands up and makes to follow the man to our drinks room. I hastily button up my suit jacket, shoving my hands in my pockets to preserve my dignity, and make my way after them.

 

*Mick*

We're shown into a private room where two attractive young women are already seated on a burgundy leather couch, two nearly empty bottles of Pinot Noir resting on the low table in front of them. While Josef orders more wine I take the opportunity to introduce myself. My redhead's name is Natalie, and I can't help but smile when she holds her hand out rather formally and shakes it in greeting. She has a beautiful smile and stunning eyes, and I'm rather impressed to notice that she's a natural redhead, although I shouldn't have expected anything less from such an exclusive club. Josef's membership fees are probably more than my yearly earnings, although as his guest, luckily I get in Scott free. It's times like these when I realise there are definitely perks to having Josef Kostan as your best friend.

The blonde introduces herself as Olivia. It's harder to tell, but she also appears to be a natural blonde. Her baby blue eyes as they stare into mine, remind me of Beth, and I feel a sudden, unexpected sharp stab of pain knife through me at the memory that surfaces unbidden. It's been five years since Beth passed away, and I'm still surprised at the depth of pain I feel every time I think of her. Every day I ask myself if I was wrong not to have turned her before she became ill. I knew she wanted it. I also knew that she never asked me out of respect for my feelings on the matter. It was one of the few subjects that Josef and I disagreed strongly on. I knew he'd loved Beth. I could see it in his eyes when he didn't know I was watching, the way that he lit up whenever she entered a room, and the way his eyes shone far too often whenever her name was mentioned after she died.

Before the pain can threaten to overwhelm me, I turn back to Natalie and attempt some small talk to fill the time. Emptying the last of the Pinot into her glass, I'm only half listening as she tells me about her beloved Labradors. My eyes slide past her to focus on Josef as he kisses Olivia in greeting. She's already looking at him adoringly. He has that effect on women. And now that I come to think about it, he has the same effect on most men. The great Kostan charm seems to work it's magic on everyone. The sad thing is that it's mostly an act. Joseph's real friends are very few and far between, and I consider myself honoured to be one of them. He keeps the women in his life at a safe distance, freshies and bed partners alike, and if he's ever had male partners, he's certainly not mentioned them to me, although others have alluded to his having had previous relationships with men in the dim and distant past. If he ever decides to tell me about it I certainly wouldn't find it a problem, but I'd never ask him.

Unbidden, my thoughts return to Marcus's words. If truth be known I've barely thought about anything else the entire week. Before he'd told me I can honestly say that I'd never in my life considered a sexual relationship with a man. The thought had simply never occurred to me. Now I can't stop thinking about it. Simply knowing that Josef might be interested in me that way has me in a complete turmoil. Now that I think about it I'm surprised to realise that the thought of having that kind of relationship with Josef is something that really excites me. I wonder if it has something to do with being a vampire. Would my human self ever have thought this way? I think perhaps not. The only problem is, I have absolutely no idea what to do about it. Much as I'd like to just come out and ask Josef straight whether he feels the same way, there are a million reasons I find not to. What if he just laughed in my face? What if I was wrong about his sexual orientation, and he was disgusted by my offer? Or what if he simply wasn't interested in me that way? What if this was really just Marcus's idea of a cruel joke? I value Josef's friendship far too much to take the risk of losing my best friend in the whole world over ifs, buts and maybes.

Subtly focusing my attention back on Natalie, who's still happily chatting about her dogs and doesn't seem to have noticed my distraction, I take the empty glass from her hand and concentrate on turning on my own Mick St. John charm. I ask her if she's ready and she nods enthusiastically in response. Although it's a long time since I last did this I've not forgotten the etiquette. I stand up and remove my jacket before moving to sit on one of the larger armchairs, plushly upholstered in dark burgundy, in keeping with everything else in the room. I hold out my hand and she takes it delicately, settling herself down across my lap and placing one slender arm around my shoulders. Glancing over her shoulder I see Josef, Olivia already squirming in his lap, as he nuzzles her neck in preparation for the bite. The sight stirs something in my groin and I'm embarrassed to feel myself becoming hard in response. Shifting slightly, I lift Natalie, repositioning her so that she's not sitting directly over my burgeoning erection. I don't want to scare her off before we've even started. Moving her hair away from her neck, I tuck it neatly behind her ear and begin to stroke my thumb softly over the creamy skin that I'm about to bite into.

I can see a few scars, but not as many as I would have expected. She's obviously done this a few times before, but she seems to have been lucky to have had considerate customers. The good thing about an establishment like this one is that a certain code of conduct is expected. Customers who abuse the privilege are dealt with appropriately and barred from the premises immediately. When I've decided on the appropriate spot, I turn to look at her to check she's ready. She inclines her head slightly in response, angling her neck towards me and closing her eyes in anticipation. I can already feel her heart rate has increased, and I know I will need to be extra careful to stop before I hear any slowing of the rhythm. Her blood is not only going to be intoxicating in the usual sense, it's also laced with alcohol. I need to be careful to keep my wits about me. The room is monitored by cctv cameras, but I have no intention of letting it get so out of hand that someone has to intervene to stop me. With a low growl I finally allow myself to vamp out.

A loud moan from across the room alerts me to the fact that Josef has started already, and I spare a quick glance at the blonde held tightly in his arms, her head thrown back in ecstasy as his mouth moves rhythmically against her exposed neck. I'm wishing fervently that I'd chosen a looser pair of jeans as my cock becomes uncomfortably hard. Giving up on worrying about it, and sure that Natalie must have experienced the same thing countless times before, I pull her forward in my lap, hearing her sudden sharp intake of breath, and wrap my arm tightly around her waist to hold her in place. My fingers slip around to cup the back of her head as I skim my lips lightly over the silky skin I'm about to pierce with my fangs. Little moans of anticipation begin to issue from her throat and my cock begins to pulse in response. I drop small butterfly kisses against her throat, using my tongue to search out the precise spot I'm aiming for, but taking care to keep my fangs from nicking her. Once decided, I make one last adjustment to ensure she can't move and accidentally hurt herself in the process, then sink my fangs smoothly into her waiting flesh.

*Josef*

A loud cry of ecstasy from across the room breaks my concentration for a moment and I glance over at the highly erotic sight of Mick, his mouth fastened onto the redhead's slender neck, eyes closed as he swallows down her fresh, warm blood. I've always loved to watch Mick taking blood. For a man who insists he's happy living on that refrigerated, pre-packed vegan crap, he certainly knows how to enjoy a gourmet meal when it's on offer. Just watching him pleasure his ecstatic freshie is turning me on like nothing else has for a very long time. A deep drawn out sigh from my supine blonde confirms the fact, as my arousal communicates itself directly to her through our connection.

My eyes still riveted on Mick, I can't help but imagine how it would feel were his fangs embedded in my willing flesh rather than the girl's. Mick's arms holding me instead of her. My fangs at his throat rather than the woman's. His blood was a delight I'd never forgotten since the day he'd asked me to re-turn him. How I had managed to hold myself in check that day I will never know. It calls to me like a siren, but I have no choice other than to resist. He can never know how I feel about him. The thought of losing his friendship is unbearable. He's truly the best friend I've ever had in my long and debaucherous life, and I'm not about to lose him now. A little fantasising every now and then never did anyone any harm though, and I allow myself to indulge as Mick continues his sensual feeding. My cock twitches almost painfully and I feel it inching down my thigh, grateful that I'm wearing loose suit pants rather than those tight denim jeans that cling to Mick's legs like a second skin. 

Wrenching my wandering thoughts away from Mick's toned, muscled legs, I force myself to concentrate on Olivia's heartbeat, mindful of any irregularity that would indicate it was time to stop. It's still beating a steady, strong rhythm and I adjust my hold slightly, allowing my fangs to sink more deeply into her delicious flesh, at the same time drawing a strong draught of her exquisite lifeblood. Almost instantly I feel her begin to orgasm beneath me. Her breath hitches as she goes almost rigid with the pleasure of it, and a moment later it hits me through our connection. It never fails to surprise me although I've experienced it countless times before. I know it's not me coming, but I can feel every last bit of it like it's my own body, as the ecstatic sensation blooms and then explodes through my loins. Involuntarily I let out a gasp at the sheer intensity of it. Part surprise at the sudden overload to my senses, and part pure ecstasy as I close my eyes and allow her climax to roll through me. Somewhere in the back of my mind I let myself wonder how it would feel to share this with Mick.

As it begins to taper off and I can think clearly again, I let my mouth go slack and release the pressure, my tongue lapping slowly at the two small puncture holes to stem the flow of blood. I've learned over the years how easily getting carried away at this point could turn a mutually blissful experience into a horrific and deadly ending for the human. This was one of the first lessons I'd taught Mick after Coraline had introduced us all those years ago. Thankfully he'd been an eager student and a fast learner. Not only could he bring a girl to orgasm in under twenty seconds, he always left them smiling and wanting more. What I wouldn't give to know what those fangs felt like in my own neck.

I look up to find him staring at me. Our gazes lock, and there's a look in his eyes like he wants to devour me whole. I don't have to, but for a moment, I forget to breathe.


End file.
